This is a story of a little girl who learned about life through a painful experience of losing her mother when she was six years old.
The nights following her mother’s passing, to avoid being sad, she would lie in bed before sleeping and construct a movie in her mind, of a complete family; mom and all — what they did, where they went, and what they experienced together as a family. Every night, she would play a different movie as she planned a life she would enjoy living. She built an inventory of moments, of what an ideal life would be. She did this throughout her childhood by watching, learning, and absorbing what a happy and complete family was all about.
When she finally was introduced to a formal education beyond her home surrounding, she was eager to collect more data and information about life – she listened hard to what the teachers said and taught, learned well, and strove for good grades. She was reaching for more information not only throughout school, but also through books, people, music, movies, and by life lessons. She was hungry to find ways to fill that hole of losing someone she loved. She was going at full speed, yet careful to avoid having another big blow in life.
Searching for answers – the right one, the perfect one, the ideal one, the must-have one became her modus operandi throughout her adult life. This whole journey of searching happened so naturally, it didn’t look or feel like it was out of the ordinary because it was part of everyday’s life. And in the process, she became a lifetime traveler who continued to search for a much more fulfilling life – whether it was about work, relationships, food, health, family, and life in general. It was never enough, things didn’t feel right – she could walk into the room and see a framed picture on the wall slightly off center, and she couldn’t resist leveling it. Do you know someone like that?
I was that person. I was that little girl.
I learned about what’s ideal in life by reaching out for things outside of me – and literally implemented what I learned word for word. This is the right way to cut broccoli. This is the right way to fold t-shirts. This is the right way to take off shoes. I corrected what my husband did when he didn’t do it according to my way, because I learned it the right way – so I thought. Everything should be exactly right, otherwise it didn’t settle well with me. I followed a recipe, an instruction, rules and regulations, doctor’s order like a soldier.
How many of you can relate to this story?
In the process of searching for the right answers, the perfect ways, and implementing what was right according to the experts, I was drifting further away from me. I neglected the chance for ME to participate in life. I didn’t, couldn’t hear what my gut said, what my inner voice was saying. I minimized it when it didn’t fit what I thought was right. This body, mind and spirit of mine was dormant, was behind the scene. What others thought was more important, and I lived to please others – and there were many of them, even those I didn’t know well. I had a lot of thoughts dancing in my head about what others would think, about me.
Writing this book was therapeutic for me. I found the real me that I had been neglected because I was chasing something I thought would make me happier. I neglected building a relationship with myself – my body, my mind, and my spirit. I was busy connecting with the outside, and left the inside buried, voiceless.
Four years ago, I listened to Kevin Hall, the author of a book called Aspire, speak at a business conference I attended. He shared a story of a Hindu Legend that he learned from another book he read when he was 18. That story resonated so much with me that I quoted it in my book (page 141) – and I’d like to share it with you here:
that at one time all men on earth were gods, but that men so sinned and abused the Divine that Brahma, the god of all gods, decided that the godhead should be taken away from man and hid some place where he would never again find it to abuse it. “We will bury it deep in the earth,” said the other gods. “No,” said Brahma, “because man will dig down in the earth and find it.” “Then we will sink in the deepest ocean,” they said. “No,” said Brahma, “because man will learn to dive and will find it there, too.” “We will hide on the highest mountain,” they said. “No,” said Brahma, “because man will some day climb every mountain on the earth and again capture the godhead.” “Then we do not know where to hide where he cannot find it,” said the lesser gods. “I will tell you,” said Brahma. “Hide it down in man himself. He will never think to look there.” And that is what they did. Hidden down in every man is some of the Divine. Ever since then he has gone the earth digging, diving and climbing, looking for that godlike quality which all the time is hidden down within himself.
That’s what I exactly did. I took a break from chasing the never-ending, I now embrace life, I embrace me. I renew my relationship with me, and suddenly what I was looking for showed up. It was always there, it was never far away.
“When we take care of the inside, the outside will fall into place …” ~ Eckhart Tolle.
Start that relationship with you.
Share your journey; the good news and the struggles.
You’ve got a friend … and you have my support.
Before long, you too will see and have what you’re looking for,
because what you’re looking for will find you.